I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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