Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the day after is always just damage control
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
