JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize