Tell her she can't have a vagina
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
