he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
