I cockslap morals
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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