And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
