I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
