Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
