Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize