the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
