does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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