I look better un-naked...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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