you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
