i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
