I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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