I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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