Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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