The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have fence marks all over my body
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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