Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
