before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
