party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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