What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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