Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
