you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
