well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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