Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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