Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I still have a little drunk in my system
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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