my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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