it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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