roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
