Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
