Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
