do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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