On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
