That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
