Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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