Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
