Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
