There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
