Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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