I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
