from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just threw up on my dentist
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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