HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
