I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Still dying that you shit outside
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
