so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
