got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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