Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
