those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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