Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize