yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize