We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
