I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You're like the curious george of whores
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
