its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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