I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
