im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
