i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
3 2 1 whiskey
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
