McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Let the clothes fall where they may.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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