I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
