Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
