if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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