omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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