genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
