Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
