ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
