college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
