I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
