I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
