Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize