I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
