i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
