so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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